Spotlight of Love - Chapter 8 - Pursue-Withdraw

Demanding, criticizing, silent judging, stubborn heel dig ging—we’ve all dished out and received at least some of these  less-than-kind behaviors, but what happens when partners  repeatedly direct them at each other? 

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While we are complex and fully unique beings, we also operate  in recognizable patterns that can help us understand ourselves.  One of the most common negative patterns couples face is  called pursue-withdraw. "is pattern begins when one partner  falls into the persistent role of pursuing, which o#en includes  some form of demand, blame, or criticism, and one partner  occupies the insistent role of withdrawing, which o#en  includes some form of distancing or refusal to communicate. 

"ink of pursuit as turning up the heat or emotional in tensity toward your partner and withdraw as turning the heat  down, as if your relationship has a powerful dial that helps you  regulate the intensity between you. "e heat level rises and falls  comfortably when you’re securely connected. However, when you have a particular hot-button topic, or your relationship is  in distress, insecurities and resentments can surface and it’s  easy to become overheated or overcooled in the process.